I can't figure out for the life of me why my husband is not perfect. I keep trying and trying to make him be perfect, but or all my efforts nothing works. He continues to make mistakes, he does and says things that I do not want him to do or say, and he does not consistently do everything I want him to do. But since I am his wife, he should be perfect. He should not make mistakes! He should not do or say things that offend me or hurt my feelings because I am his wife. Making mistakes may be a human characteristic, but if he wanted to make mistakes and say things that affect me, he should not have married me!
This may sound ridiculous. The more I elaborate on my husband's imperfections, the more you probably realize that I am a crazy person.
"I am so mad at my husband right now. He came home two hours late, complained that dinner was cold, ate two bites and wasted the rest, then proceeded to GO TO BED WITHOUT TALKING TO ME! Seriously?? I'm about fed up with his crap."
Then the responses are as follows:
"OMG you need to make him fix his own dinner for a week so he will learn a lesson."
"I would never allow my husband to treat me that way. You need to evaluate your marriage."
"You need to protect your daughters. They will grow up thinking that it is okay for a man to treat them this way. "
"You need to get in his face and make him understand that he cannot do that. Tell him that next time you will not make dinner for him if he is going to be late and then complain. I would follow him to the bedroom and tell him what for."
Yes, it is quite frustrating when husbands are not perfect. *Sigh*.
So, for those of you that cannot understand sarcasm or are feminists (or if both apply) I will spell it out. NOBODY IS PERFECT.
I don't understand all the ranting and raving from women about their husbands. You did not marry someone who was perfect, but odds are, beck when you were dating you overlooked a lot of his faults. You found it easy to forgive the insensitive things he might do, because of your love for him. But now you harbor bitterness. You have spent a lot of time together and his lack of ability to change infuriates you, so you dwell on it.
Bottom line, however, is that it is unreasonable to expect him to be the perfect husband. I'm sure you do plenty of stupid stuff that should irritate him, but I doubt he gets on facebook and starts a post about "My wife brought the car home with no gas in it, AGAIN, and just laughed it off. She didn't even really say sorry, then she expected ME to go fill it up!!" to which his buddies would NEVER respond, "She is definitely old enough to know better. I would tell her she isn't allowed to drive the car anymore if she can't be more responsible than that!"
Women would be outraged to read that kind of attitude being expressed about them.
I don't understand why women think it is okay to respond to spouse complaints with the *answer* of "you should make him blah blah blah" or "He needs to blah blah blah..." Your husband is not your child. He does not need you to tell him what to do or try to punish him. You are not his mother. You have a partnership that you like to say is based on mutual love, trust, and respect, but somehow he needs to respect you by being perfect or else you will not respect him.
Look at your friendships, your relationship with your sister, mom, etc. Has anyone ever done anything to hurt your feelings? Has anyone ever reacted to you in an unfavorable way? And when they did so, because everyone does at some point, did you try to force them to change their behavior first and then forgive them later? Somehow I doubt it. When my sister or best friend used to have negative interactions, we would forgive each other for being human. We don't have delusions that our friends and family will always be perfect.
Wives, forgive your husband for his faults. Harboring bitterness and anger over his shortcomings are unfair and will NEVER benefit your marriage. I promise you, there is no amount of nagging or payback or scolding that will ever do good for your marriage. We need to learn to forgive these imperfect men that we married and move on. If your husband came in late for dinner, complained that it was cold, and then went to bed without speaking to you (because you probably nagged him to death over it), I agree that you should follow him to bed - and say that you love him and give him a hug. Not everyone has a husband that comes home to them. Not everyone has someone to make dinner for. And he may not want to come home to this mean, unforgiving wife forever.
Let the small things go. There are worse offenses than the tiny imperfections of our husbands.
This may sound ridiculous. The more I elaborate on my husband's imperfections, the more you probably realize that I am a crazy person.
"I am so mad at my husband right now. He came home two hours late, complained that dinner was cold, ate two bites and wasted the rest, then proceeded to GO TO BED WITHOUT TALKING TO ME! Seriously?? I'm about fed up with his crap."
Then the responses are as follows:
"OMG you need to make him fix his own dinner for a week so he will learn a lesson."
"I would never allow my husband to treat me that way. You need to evaluate your marriage."
"You need to protect your daughters. They will grow up thinking that it is okay for a man to treat them this way. "
"You need to get in his face and make him understand that he cannot do that. Tell him that next time you will not make dinner for him if he is going to be late and then complain. I would follow him to the bedroom and tell him what for."
Yes, it is quite frustrating when husbands are not perfect. *Sigh*.
So, for those of you that cannot understand sarcasm or are feminists (or if both apply) I will spell it out. NOBODY IS PERFECT.
I don't understand all the ranting and raving from women about their husbands. You did not marry someone who was perfect, but odds are, beck when you were dating you overlooked a lot of his faults. You found it easy to forgive the insensitive things he might do, because of your love for him. But now you harbor bitterness. You have spent a lot of time together and his lack of ability to change infuriates you, so you dwell on it.
Bottom line, however, is that it is unreasonable to expect him to be the perfect husband. I'm sure you do plenty of stupid stuff that should irritate him, but I doubt he gets on facebook and starts a post about "My wife brought the car home with no gas in it, AGAIN, and just laughed it off. She didn't even really say sorry, then she expected ME to go fill it up!!" to which his buddies would NEVER respond, "She is definitely old enough to know better. I would tell her she isn't allowed to drive the car anymore if she can't be more responsible than that!"
Women would be outraged to read that kind of attitude being expressed about them.
I don't understand why women think it is okay to respond to spouse complaints with the *answer* of "you should make him blah blah blah" or "He needs to blah blah blah..." Your husband is not your child. He does not need you to tell him what to do or try to punish him. You are not his mother. You have a partnership that you like to say is based on mutual love, trust, and respect, but somehow he needs to respect you by being perfect or else you will not respect him.
Look at your friendships, your relationship with your sister, mom, etc. Has anyone ever done anything to hurt your feelings? Has anyone ever reacted to you in an unfavorable way? And when they did so, because everyone does at some point, did you try to force them to change their behavior first and then forgive them later? Somehow I doubt it. When my sister or best friend used to have negative interactions, we would forgive each other for being human. We don't have delusions that our friends and family will always be perfect.
Wives, forgive your husband for his faults. Harboring bitterness and anger over his shortcomings are unfair and will NEVER benefit your marriage. I promise you, there is no amount of nagging or payback or scolding that will ever do good for your marriage. We need to learn to forgive these imperfect men that we married and move on. If your husband came in late for dinner, complained that it was cold, and then went to bed without speaking to you (because you probably nagged him to death over it), I agree that you should follow him to bed - and say that you love him and give him a hug. Not everyone has a husband that comes home to them. Not everyone has someone to make dinner for. And he may not want to come home to this mean, unforgiving wife forever.
Let the small things go. There are worse offenses than the tiny imperfections of our husbands.
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