Black and white, and read all over...and over, and over....

When we began our "quiverfull" journey, I thought I was some unique (almost magical) being that the Lord had randomly - at least to me - called upon to be a humbling example. We would bring our idols to Him, lay them at his feet, and walk away; in our own case, the idol of trying to force our family to be what we wanted and thought we needed.....among other related things......
I was very torn between what the world would view as sensible, and logical, and what I truly wanted for myself. I know, as a follower of Christ on a mission to be christ-like that we are the mocked and hated, and that the world will always persecute you for what you do strongly in Christ. I figure if you are not being harassed, hated, ridiculed, and otherwise brought down, you are probably doing something wrong. In spite of this, I did not want to alienate the last bit of society that held respect for me as an intelligent, kind, and loving, gentle mother. The way most people see it, I take great care of my children and they are being raised correctly. However, through recent circumstances (like, I don't know - having baby number three???) people are beginning to see a problem with the way things are done in the Huskey household. I've been told to slow down. I've been told to let each one be the baby. I've been asked if I am "done."  To the world, it is sensible and logical to be finished and stop the baby-making process. Perhaps it dampens my abilities as a mother to have what some would consider "too many" children or to have my children "too close together." I'm becoming the illogical. Why would a mother, who has so much already, want to spread herself thinner? Why push the fate of what I can "handle" in my household? It just doesn't make sense, when you view your time, energy, money, living space, and comforts as the variables, to have any more babies.
I did not know the answer to this until recently.
1 Corinthians 3:19 tells us that the wisdom of the world is foolishness to the Lord. This obviously is not saying to do the opposite of everything that seems sensible. But it is encouraging to those of us trying to live for Christ who are being persecuted for being illogical. Why should we strive to do what the world thinks we should, or care what others think, when we know that these "logics" are likely foolishness to the Lord?  If I can feel the loving hand of God showing me the way, and the only thing that my mind is remotely doubting is the fact that it doesn't make sense from a worldly standpoint (just like Homeschooling!), then what do I truly have to fear? I refuse to let the world dictate our walk any longer. If you feel like you may be struggling with this same thing, I suggest you step back and ask yourself what is logical and what is righteous.
Now because of my clouded vision due to worldly logic, I missed many truths that have become undoubtedly clear to me in just the last couple weeks.

First of all, I would like to make an admittance. God has gifted me with an overabundance of faith. I often walk blindly by the word and do not question it - so in all honesty, when I began to feel a change of heart about family planning, I did not ask why I would birth all the blessings the Lord would give us. Now that I am being questioned, I've been shown some answers that I did not realize there would even be questions for.
The first thing I want to make clear is why. Why would we suddenly decide to subject ourselves to having fifty kids?? It's asinine!!!
Right up until you look at scripture. It is very clearly written in black in on white paper.
I am very saddened when I see the outlook this world has on children. But once again, the logic of the world is foolishness to the Lord. The bible has no shortage of exceptional references to children.

Psalm 127:3-5
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks with his enemies in the gate.

Isaiah 51:1
Listen to me, you who pursue righteousness, you who seek the Lord: look to the rock from which you were hewn, and to the quarry from which you were dug. Look to Abraham your father and to Sarah who bore you; for he was but one when I called him, that I might bless him and multiply him.

 Psalm 128:1
A Song of Ascents. Blessed is everyone who fears the Lord, who walks in his ways! You shall eat the fruit of the labor of your hands; you shall be blessed, and it shall be well with you. Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your children will be like olive shoots around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the Lord.

Genesis 33:5
And when Esau lifted up his eyes and saw the women and children, he said, “Who are these with you?” Jacob said, “The children whom God has graciously given your servant.”

 1 Timothy 2:15
Yet she will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith and love and holiness, with self-control.

Did I know all these scriptures off the top of my head, because I know my bible forward and backwards? I wish. I really do.
But I read them on someone's blog, just like you. But these all really stuck out to me. Do you ever read a bible verse and just suddenly get this feeling of "DUH!" like it's been sitting there all this time and all you had to do was walk up and read it???
Yeah. It's like that.

To Christ, children are not a burden. They are a blessing. To look at having many children as a negative side-effect of marriage just makes you misinformed. The bible speaks highly of children in general, showing Christ's true love for them. They are continuously referred to as blessings, and it was a blessing that was not given to all. Think about it this way; ultimately, God created man. He has handed that power of creation to us! How beautiful to think that God would let us be involved in something so impacting and moving! When did having children become a burden?

I have been asked how you provide for that many children.
God has told us to tithe, and he will always provide for his people, and all of that. Most Christians I know believe that the Lord does, in fact, provide. So when does that lesson lose it's accountability? I have not seen anywhere that the Lord retracts statements about being there for us in every possible way if we have "too many" children.

Psalm 37:25
I have been young, and now am old, yet I have not seen the righteous forsaken or his children begging for bread.

I've never doubted the Lord's ability or promise to provide for my family. But one huge obstacle holding me back from the large family I craved was thinking about what material things we may not have. We may never afford a large house, a nice car, nice clothes, or trips to Disneyland. I also though about wanting my body for myself - after all, pregnancy takes a lot away from you physically. It's like a 9-month sacrifice each time. In the end, though, I found myself asking if my motives for preventing pregnancy and doubting my calling for a large family were the Lord's reasoning or worldly desires.  It's simply and easy to categorize large houses and Disneyland as a worldly desire.

So these are the things I began to think on. I used to believe that maybe God called certain people to this way of life as he deemed necessary, and now I see that it is not some option he has given out randomly. I fully believe that it is not a grey issue. I don't feel that anyone is exempt. There are probably reasons, if you look for them, that letting the Lord plan your family is right for everyone. Trying to plan my family was my idol. I was selfish to reject any blessing the Lord might want to give. Not to mention that the Lord wants us to believe and trust in him for everything in our lives. We pray about this and that all day long, but basically we tell him to butt out when we plan how many blessings he is going to give us. Once we are faced with the possibility of having 15 children, we have left our comfort zone and feel the need to claw our way back if need be. And this exact point is where many of you will stop reading. The feeling you get from that is too close for comfort. Could you imagine even entertaining the idea of not using birth control?? It's too much of a shock to even comprehend. No, we would rather not trust God. We would rather trust our 99.99% effective pill, or condom, or cycle.
Of course, I'd like all the people, who said I was going to have a million babies if I stopped using birth control, that I have not yet gotten pregnant. I, who have never gone more than one cycle without protection before I became pregnant, have been using NO form of protection for almost five months now. Remember all those stories about the Lord and women's wombs? Like super Old-testament? The Lord has the ability to open and close the womb, even after all these years! You are not guaranteed to have a million babies after all. So if that part has you the most freaked out, fear not! But as a disclaimer, now that I have prayed on it and studied, I am more than welcoming of seventeen or more beautiful blessings from the Lord :)

I am not trying to make anyone feel judged by this. I was at the point six months ago that I thought this was total rubbish and I came up with every excuse I could to argue this.

How many children is God leading me to have?
You don't need a "number"... surrender it to God, as he has commanded, and he will give you the blessings he has promised. 

I can't handle more than one/two/three!
Two was the hardest. One was the second hardest. You are scared that since three is easier, it will get hard again if you add any more. As the Lord gives you blessings, you pray and ask him to guide you into what will work for you. He will not give you more than you can handle and he is always there for guidance.

We use the rhythm method / natural family planning / blah blah blah.
I don't know where so many Christians pulled this from as an adequate form of "birth control." The bible says not to abstain from sex with your spouse unless it's mutually agreed upon, and even then, only for a short amount of time for prayer and fasting...not to prevent blessings! Also, I personally admit to becoming one of those crazy christian radicals that no longer believes in hormonal birth control. Upon researching it, I have found that it can still technically abort a fertilized egg, which is something I'm just not okay with. I tried telling myself for a long time that that is misinformation, and that it does not allow an egg to fertilize - but after praying with an open heart I can no longer lie to myself because I want to utilize an easy form of birth control.

Look, it's getting late, and I'm tired. Blessing number three finally fell asleep, so I need to try to get some rest if possible.  If you have any questions I'd be happy to [try to] answer them. If I don't have an answer, well then I certainly should, don't you think?