While you're up....

Since my first born son is still awake (where's Rumpelstiltskin when you need him?) I'll go ahead and get this little tidbit off my chest that I have been holding for a while.
We recently decided to make a lifestyle change.
Okay. Stop right there.
I know what people think when they hear those words. It used to be people saying "it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle change" and that basically just means "I'm hoping you'll all take my desperate need for a diet as seriously as I'm taking it. I'm also hoping to stick to it so much that I adapt and therefore never need to diet again...because we all hate diets."
Because of these little known - I'd like to call them 'facts', I was very hesitant to say that we are making a lifestyle change. But in actuality, that is what it is, and what I hope it will be.
Most Americans are overweight. I worded it that way because I know there are numbers out there, but I don't know them offhand. Also I'm not about to google that crap cause I've got my facebook, RPG forums, and Mayhem's monkeys tabs all open right now. I just think it's safe to say that it is most of them.
Now most Americans are overweight. We all know it's because we live increasingly sedentary lifestyles, and we eat shit. I don't like swearing, but this is one of the few times when I feel so compelled to do so. We eat nothing but shit. It is total crap/garbage/junk. There isn't even a word for it really. We were created in the Lord's image and given a beautiful garden to partake of, and animals to hunt. Thousands of years later, we are not even remotely simulating that. We have invented these things that we can ingest, but they are not food. The food God made for us is like many compounds you put into a machine to keep it functioning properly. Take a car for example: gas makes it run, oil makes it run smoothly, wiper fluid keeps the windshield clean, antifreeze.... um...antifreeze keeps it from freezing? I dunno. I'm not a damn mechanic. My only experience with antifreeze is that the vet once had us give our dog a bowl full of beer to make him throw up after eating antifreeze. It worked, and the dog was fine.
I lost my train of thought.
Oh yeah - antifreeze helps a car in whatever way. I think of my body this way. Food and drink are the compounds I need to make my body really perform.
Okay. Stop again. Side step over to this little blurb >>>>>> Why do I need my body to "perform" and what does that even mean?? Well, you feel this way because you probably don't do anything. If you spent several hours staring at the T.V. today then you have no concept of your body's need to perform. Look at any athlete. They consume very specific compounds to keep themselves performing at an optimal level. BUT WHAT DO THEY EAT?? You might be asking...if you made it this far into my uninformed rant.
Which brings me to the next point I'm trying to make. We eat all this garbage that is masquerading as so-called food.... then we suddenly realize at one point or another that we are fat. We hate the way we look. We are embarrassed. So we take up a diet.
This makes no sense.
You heard me. DIETS MAKE NO SENSE.
Basically, we diet under at least the pretense of being healthier. Sure, it's really that we want to look better in those pants we were in four years ago, but overall we are concerned with health. So the best thing we can think of is to remove something from our normal eating pattern. Sugar? Calories? Carbs?
Yes, you nodded. *I have done that diet before.*
Now let's go back to the car (I swear to God, I'm getting somewhere, just hold on). The car has been given the crappy cheap gas and now it's clogged up and not running smoothly. The metaphoric equivalent of a diet is to give the car only wiper fluid for the next two weeks.
The car is specifically designed to utilize and function with these certain compounds, but in order to 'fix' it, I dare say, we deprive it of what it usually needs to run. And that's your body!!  How is this healthy??
So let me tell you what athletes eat : lots of calories. Lots of carbs. Lots of sugars.
The difference is that they choose certain foods that will help them function in a certain way. They eat more proteins if they want to build muscle. They eat more carbs if they want the energy. They don't eat a king sized snickers for protein though. They eat fish, eggs, and lean meats. And they don't eat a bag of doritos for carbs. They eat whole grains like pasta.People seem to think that the best thing they can do for a diet is to eat 1000 calories in a day, and have the majority of it be in shakes or random diet bars. So instead of using nothing but wiper fluid, you are using a mixture of dish soap and water that you made yourself in the place of wiper fluid. And you aren't using the recommended quart...you are trying to get by on a quarter of a cup.
Okay moving on....
The only thing stupider than suddenly starting a diet is starting a diet and exercise regiment at the same time.
You spent all day yesterday eating one banana, two slim fast shakes and a cliff bar. Now it's time to do Hella Hella Cardio with Max Steroidking, and you don't have the energy to put the DVD in. This workout is supposed to burn 3000 calories and you've had 300 since yesterday.
New car metaphor : after the less-than-efficient treatment of nothing but homemade wiper fluid, you are now trying to drive the car on a road trip from California to Kansas.
If this is starting to make sense, I hope it feels like the epiphany to you that it felt like to me. But who the eff knows.... I'm euphoric occasionally.

No one wants to hear someone telling them to workout or stop eating candy and soda. Especially some random person who is already in great shape trying to market a workout video. "Of course you want to do crunches...you have a flat little tummy and look awesome in stretch pants. I don't see any cellulite through yours....." But this is coming from the slightly chubby mom of three kids.
I am tired of being tired. I am tired of inspecting all my clothes before I leave the house to make sure everything is tucked in.
I want not only my own body but my whole family('s bodies) to function at an optimal level.
I started out by not eating junk for a day. Junk doesn't mean candy. I didn't eat anything overly processed, or canned, or boxed-to-prepare. I ate grown-up cereals (you know the ones) and peanut butter sandwiches on bread that had more nuts than a squirrel's summer home. I drank tea, apple juice, and water. And I tried to get at least one decent walk in there somewhere.
The next day I was less tired. I had a little energy and felt re-vamped.
The energy has built higher and higher. Each time I am hungry, I picture the mechanics of my body trying to operate and imagine what I am fueling them with. With my new energy level, I have spent the days jumping around my house (yes I mean this literally - I am a sanguin after all) and cleaning and playing with my kids.
I started a moderate workout of Just Dance on the Wii. It's actually fun for me and the extra calories burned make me hungrier, so I eat more. I never deprive myself of food. If I'm hungry I eat something that is going to be worked through the cycle and give output to match the input.
I noticed something sad too.... I haven't had that stomach-pit hunger in a long time. I filled up on empty calories so I never really felt like the "tank" was low. It was like I was running on fumes consistently.
Anyways, I feel a million times better. Better than any "diet" or whatever. We eat fresh foods and whole foods now, and I don't really miss the junk.
If you've made it through this whole exhaustive rant from someone who literally knows next to nothing about nutrition, well then, I salute you. 
I guess I wrote this out in hopes that this will at least awaken one person from the crazy "diet" cycle.

Okay, you are dismissed. Go drink your Coke and eat your Snickers you fat lard. See you on Wall-E later.